S T O R I E S
So man, who here seems principal alone,
Perhaps acts second to some sphere unknown,
Touches some wheel, or verges to some goal;
'Tis but a part we see, and not a whole.
Alexander Pope
There is no crystal clear recipe for this life, no one-size-fits-all set of guidelines that we can draw upon to weather the inevitable storms, deal with the endless circus and ultimately achieve balance, connection and enlightenment.
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Creating art is something sacred, an enormous privelige, unique in its ability to materially alter one's perception and understanding.​
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If the content of this website can inspire anyone to follow their own unique path, or contribute even in the smallest of ways, to the betterment of the human collective, it will have already achieved far more than I could have ever hoped for.​
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In this blog, I will explore areas and experiences that have defined my wayward journey to date and others that are becoming increasingly important as I inevitably approach the sunset of this long, but all too short life.
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ORIGINS
Almost as soon as I arrived on this planet, my father Remo passed away. A childhood illness had damaged his heart and come the Spring of 1975, he was no more. I have no recollection whatsoever of him, although by all accounts he was by nature physically strong, possessed a good business mind, a certain elegance, a love of fast cars and a devilish sense of humour, but perhaps most importantly of all, he was a loyal, loving husband and very much a family man. According to her sisters, my mother Carla decided at first sight that he was the one. My mother, never one to be swayed from her heart’s direction, knew full well that he would not endure into old age, but love is love and she resisted numerous attempts by his family to dissuade her from pursuing her heart's desire. Needless to say, the period following his passing was horrific for her, but in the words of Caroline Myss, ‘if your life is getting dismantled, it is because it’s also getting scaffolded’ and this was certainly true for my mother.
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Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, she pulled up her sleeves, replaced my father on the board of the company, steadily growing into a role to which she brought her uniquely innocent, generous and heart-centred but no-nonsense approach to life, eventually championing both through the the business and privately, causes that supported the differently abled in the workplace, the blind, women in general and finally, a young orphan in Africa.
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My mother’s strength of character was never in question. From an improbably young age, she effectively ran her parents’ household and this sense of responsibility was always in evidence thereafter. In becoming a company director in the mid-seventies, we might reasonably describe her as a pioneer. With three children plus her parents to look after and no help with the management of the household, I honestly wonder where she found the time and energy. An avid gardener and artist, my mother was also an accomplished cook. Into everything, she poured her natural humility, a huge smile and her great love for life.
Neither my father nor mother had the opportunity to attend university as both had cause to ‘grow up’ rather more quickly than either might have wished, not an uncommon scenario in those days. My mother would recall her tough school days and the cruelty of the nuns in the forties. From these experiences, they both set as a priority that my sisters, Judith, Giulia and I would receive the best possible education that they could afford, the message to us children in respect of our eventual success in life or otherwise being very much, ‘You now have no excuses whatsoever!’.
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There is a reasonable creative vein in my family; on my father’s side and back into the 17th / 18th Centuries, it seems our ancestors had made a name for themselves as metalworkers and our surname, ‘Ferrari’ is evidently a derivative of ‘Fabbro’ or ‘Smith’; In my mother’s family tree, we find a stone mason and bridge builder. My mother’s love of drawing / painting started early, continuing through to the end of her life and my elder sisters Judith and Giulia are both talented artists, as is my niece Antonella.
My mother’s art moved into an altogether different dimension following her retirement and subsequent, total immersion in channelled energy work. She had been told some forty years prior that she would become a great healer later in life, but had laughed this off as utter nonsense. And yet here she was in her early sixities, a renowned Reiki Master who introduced alternative healing to several palliative care departments, gave seminars on occasion to hundreds and initiated a new generation of healers into both Reiki and a new channeled energy treatment protocol that she had developed.
At a certain point in her ‘energetic work’, my mother intuitively felt the desire to see if this newly found awareness could be applied to her art. When she showed me her first attempt, a small picture entitled ‘Gateway to the Love Energy’, I immediately felt that something amazing was afoot and asked if she might not try to produce a larger version of the same theme. The larger version of Gateway was soon followed by a series of seven works on Creation, all abstracts, but more than this, all spiritual, channelled works, all driven by her active dialogue with the higher realms. This explosion of creativity and ever-clearer connection in the last years of her life was as surprising to her as it was to all who knew her. Not a few thought her quite bonkers, especially when she would delve into the concepts underpinnng this new direction. Indeed, in accepting invites to speak about her experience and insights to religious circles, she opened herself to accusations of 'doing the devil's work' and while she would never reject out of hand her Catholic upbringing, nor any other religious cult, feeling that despite the morass of nonsense present in all such movements, at the mystical core, there could also be found truth.
Now in just those first sixty days following that first innocent attempt, my mother had produced more than sixty works with perhaps 6 different abstract identities and by the time she left us, had completed another hundred or so.
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In seeking a qualified opinion about this new creative direction, our lovely cousin Mary, a rebellious-by nature Carmelite nun, kindly introduced my mother’s work to Sister Wendy Beckett, author of numerous books and beloved presenter of art documentary series on both sides of the Atlantic. Sister Wendy wrote that my mother’s work was extraordinary and sacred, that it reminded her of Zen Art where the artist is taken over by something greater. Here is a small selection of her earlier works, from the left beginning with the two 'Gateways to the Love Energy'.
By this time my mother had started painting, I had been working for a number of years in London as a stockbroker. Just as I was about to sign up for my dream job at a prominent investment bank (that no longer exists), the market crashed and overnight I found myself hung out to dry. Noones fault - just life doing what life does and as with all curve balls, perhaps a blessing in disguise! Tail between my legs, I returned to Wales to lick my wounds and within a week, learned my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. Destiny, synchronicity, call it what you will, but when life requires you to be in a certain place at a certain time, to do or learn something of significance, it is likely that that is where you will find yourself. My mother would die seven years later, but in the meantime, we had time for a little fun and it was my extraordinary fortune to witness first hand my mother's creative journey as both a healer and an artist. Given her direct line to the universal energies, I exhausted my science-oriented repertoire to extract from her the inside track on the true meaning of existence, passing her words or phrases across the dining table that might inspire her to interpret in paint what I couldn't understand from the likes of Einstein, Hawking and crew. ‘The Splitting of the Atom’ was one such work that stemmed from my eager prodding, but in the main, I sought to help her articulate in an English that anyone might understand, the complex messaging that she was channelling generally and for each work specifically.
My first Reiki healing session with my mother was nothing short of mind blowing and eventually she would initiate me into the three principal Reiki levels, such that in theory I was also now a certified Reiki master. I say in theory as in my mind, to be a Reiki Master is to have the vocation to teach others this spiritual practice, whilst my experiencce of Reiki has been distinctly personal to date. After many many years and many more fits and starts, mainly caused by my total block-headedness, I now practice Reiki almost on a daily basis, as others might meditate or do yoga. The effects are unsubtle enough for even the likes of I to perceive: from abnormal levels of heat emitted by my hands to a crackling sound that dominates my hearing, from seeing waves and interplays of colour, mainly purple and yellow, but also rainbow effects and flashes of light as though a camera is flashing in my brain to a feeling of total calm, stillness and balance. The grounding, the centering and the substantial boost Reiki brings to both inner and physical strength is a beautiful feeling and to be honest, I am not entirely sure how I would live today without this practice. It may have taken me aeons but I now feel as though I am beginning to understand a tiny fraction of universal truth and am now reconciled with the fact that such truth will never reveal itself through intellectual acrobatics, but is rather something we all may access through feeling, through the heart. In this respect, Reiki is a phonomenal agent of change, a catalyst for those who struggle to naturally drop into total stillness. Reiki does not require any special innate skill or gift, or I would surely have little chance of progressing; it simply requires sincerity and consistent application. As with Art and Music, the only thing that stands in the way of Reiki is the controlling drive of the ego, that miniscule but niggling, noisy, attention seeking aspect of our consciousness that is necessary for conducting all sorts of aspects of life, but for the magic to happen, needs to be set aside. And therein lies the devil in the detail.
From a young age I loved to draw, mainly pencil, mainly still life, landscapes, but at 15 and lacking inspiration, I gave it up and focused my studies on sciences and languages. In truth, the creative urge was not so easily subdued. Mostly I would direct this energy into designing and building, steadily gaining an understanding that I could realise what I could see in my imagination, steadily gaining a greater ability to manipulate the raw materials, particularly natural stone, into satisfying outcomes, steadily learning to trust this body, these hands with ever more complex challenges.
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In 2017 I said goodbye to London and moved to Italy, no great long term plan in mind but in pursuit of a couple of attractive business opportunities. These ultimately failed to materialise, but a beautiful collaboration with a visionary architect commenced. Amongst his many businesses, he owned a spectacular 25 hectare resort in the countryside and together we sought to develop its potential. Amongst the many projects we set in motion, art became a major focus and we worked on a collaboration with an important contemporary art collection, which in turn led to numerous exhibitions with leading galleries and internationally respected artists. During this process, something clicked and I began to question whether I might not also let loose my creative leanings.
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I soon found myself practically alone on the estate as the covid lockdowns came into effect and with all else on hold, I began to produce my first artworks as an adult, works that somewhat surprisingly, I felt were valid. Work followed work and before long, the resort’s art gallery and a number of communal areas, internal and external assumed a new and for me at least, exciting aspect. Steadily, a feeling grew within me that I needed to give more of my life to the creation of art.
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I will deal more with my process in future posts, but let us just say that the question of dedicating myself more to this work, to creating a website and perhaps, God willing, to be able to engage seriously in art is a very recent development. The simple truth is that creating art has become an inexorable urge. What happens going forward is anyone’s guess. Perhaps in having created this website I will have brought closure to this chapter, perhaps having cleared the decks and freed up a little creative space, some whole new and unexpected path will open. What is certain for me as is likely certain for many – if you do not open that door, if you do not let loose your wild horses, if you do not confront your shadow, you will remain locked in a state of imbalance and as such, able to express but a fraction of your true potential. Whilst we humans are not nouns, we are verbs, creatures of action. Were I to articulate an objective, it would be to align my need for action with an understanding of my higher path, a path to authentic sovereignty - such as I would wish for each of us.
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God bless us all as we navigate these testing times and continue along our collective journey into the creative unknown.
